My Dear Uterus,

How is it that you can continue to to torture me with such ferocity?! I have dosed you with every possible pain reliever at my disposal—you should be an insensible lump of tissue by now! And yet, with the fervor of a southern Baptist preacher, you inflict a constant stream of agony on my body that I am forced to admire because you’ve stripped me of the ability to feel anything else! If there is even a shred of sympathy in your multilayered form, then please—PLEASE—submit to my battery of analgesics and allow me to come out of the fetal position for more than six minutes without experiencing electric shocks of pain.

Yours sincely,
Falencia